Yes you, the tall guy in your yellowish suit – pretending to be a delegate of The Economist’s Angola Business and Investment Summit that took place in Cape Town yesterday. Yes you asshole, YOU damnit!
So how do you like my MacBook Pro, which I bought a mere three weeks ago? Does she feel nice and smooth and sleek? Does she run like a charm? How do you like my pictures, by the way? They are quite nice, don’t you think? What about my three stories that were in progress (for Black Business Quarterly, Leadership Magazine and het Financieele Dagblad), of which I unfortunately have no backups? Do you think I were on the right track, or should I have changed the intros a bit?
Did you listen to the audio files of the interviews I had with Enos Banda and other prominent people – interviews I had to tape digitally because my hand injury prevented me from taking notes? Interesting stuff, hey?
Now tell me, does it give you a kick to walk into conference rooms, scout for prey and then wait until Le Moment Supreme before robbing freelancers of what keeps them afloat? Hm?
From what we could see from the camera footage you must be a genuine professional. A smooth operator. An expert, who has done this before. Wearing a suit, with a laptop bag slung around your shoulder, and pretending to be on the phone you swayed in that conference room at The Westin Grand Hotel like it were your own palace.
This was just after I had left my desk (at 16.45 – it was time for a coffee break), which was situated in the press area in the corner at the back of the room. You walked in and made yourself a way towards my end of the desk, where my laptop was (hidden some papers papers). You sat down on the chair adjacent to the desk and opposite to my chair, while continuing your ‘telephone conversation’. Then, you opened your bag, helped yourself to my Bread and Butter and f*cked off. Just like that.
Can you tell me how long you had been watching me before your struck? How long?
Oh, before I forget: I’d like to ask something to the person responsible for allowing only people with badges into the conference room. Yes you! Where on earth were you? Smooth Operating MacBook thief was identified as a non delegate by various people, and was therefore not wearing a badge. So why on earth did you allow him in if he wasn’t wearing his dog tag?
Well, maybe you weren’t there because there was no such person assigned with this task. In that case, this brings me to the summit’s organisers (who I have to admit have been very sweet to me). Guys, the necessity of wearing name badges is usually to ensure only guests – the peeps who have paid money to attend the summit – are allowed in. Next time, please do a better job in making sure non-guests are kept OUT!
I know I should also point fingers at myself. I should have taken laptop with where ever I went. I did not. Because the Westin Grand felt safe. I was wrong. Stupid me.
But back to you, Sir in your yellow-ish suit. Thanks for absolutely ruining my day and week. It has been swell. A true pleasure. Think of me when you erase my hard drive and sell my MacBook for a few dimes. What are you going to buy from the money? If it is Tik or another drug, I hope you overdose. If it is booze, I hope you wrap your car around a tree without killing other people. If it is a gun, I hope it accidentally goes off in your pocket.
Oh no, do not get me wrong. I do not want you to die. I am not an evil person. I actually hope for you to recover from your overdose, car accident and encounter with your fire arm. I wish I’d be there with you while you regain consciousness in hospital. Why? So that I can whisper something in your ear. “How does Karma feel, my bru?” for instance.
Lastly and on a friendly note: Thank you David, editor of Black Business Quarterly,so much for giving me an extension on my deadline. You are a rock star. Thank you Jackie from I-Net Bridge, for your kind email and understanding that I was unable to send my fourth and final story on the summit. Thanks Ray, also from I-Net Bridge, for calling me to see if I was okay. Thanks Karen from Phoenix Partnership for resending the pictures of Enos Banda and finding out if there are audio files of his chat somewhere. Oh and thanks to my friends and loved ones for your sweet messages and in particular to my Wing Women for coming to the rescue, as you always do, with a bottle of wine and sushi. You rock.