Bitching about Beach Politics

31 Jan

To me a beach is a beach, a.k.a big patch of white powdery sand that is embraced by the ocean. Whether it has big boulders, small boulders, no boulders, a wide patch of sand, a narrow patch of sand, a big surf, no surf or whether it is a so-called ‘family beach’, ‘gay beach’ trendy beach’, ‘model beach’, ‘sport beach’, the ‘Jewish beach’, the ‘Christian beach’ – I really do not care (to think that segregation in South Africa was abolished over a decade and an a half ago).

Because why would I care? I am in Cape Town for crying out loud! All beaches here are great. And honestly, there are not so many differences between them. Well, okay – those belonging to the Clifton Quartet are not so different from one another.

When observing these four beaches objectively, one will notice that Clifton 1 looks like Clifton 2 looks like Clifton 3 looks like Clifton 4. They are all über stunning beaches boasting the same lovely sand and the same icy cold water and the same boulders and the same stunning view. Okay, the one is slightly bigger than the other, but that is a small detail. From someone who was born in Northern Europe, Clifton – whether it is 1,2,3, or 4 – is heaven and no reason to be picky. Call me simplistic, but I do not care where I spread out my towel – as long as I can end my day on the frikkin’ beach!

I seem to be part of some critically endangered species of beach-befok Capetonians. Here folk stick to their own beach like there is no tomorrow and it is practically impossible to detach them from it and to make them venture to *another beach*.

Usually, people who consider Clifton 1 – First Beach – their home away from home will rarely show their booties on Second and visa versa. One thing Cliftonians do have in common is that Camps  Bay beach, for what ever reason, is considered a no-go zone.

Do. Not. Ask. Why.

Anyway, these bloody beach politics usually pose no problem what so ever because most Capetonians share their preference for a certain beach with their homies. Lets put it this way: there is no point of venturing to another beach if you know that all your buddies are on the beach next door. That is how I ended up being a resident of Clifton 2: I made friends a couple of years ago, they happened to be a Clifton Second resident, and the rest is history. (NOTE: I never had to venture to another beach because, as I said before, the various beach crowds do not tend to migrate so never made friends belonging to other beaches)

The problem now is that I have actually made friends who are members of the Beach One ecosystem. While I would like to hang out with them, I do not want to abandon my friends on Second. Yes, you have guessed it: my two beach crowds are very much attached to their own patch of sand. Moving  both posses to Clifton Three could be an option, but I fear that my crowd will veto that plan.

So, apart from buying new running shoes and spending my time running from Clifton 1 to Clifton 2 and back I see no other solution. Sigh.

Bloody beach politics.


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