“Bon Jovi Has To Die. On a Bed of Roses. In a Hurry”

15 Feb

“Can Bon Jovi die now? On his bed of roses, in a fucking hurry?”, mumbled my lovely friend Joanne a.k.a my Lonely Hearts Club partner yesterday eve prior shoving a piece of overpriced sea bass – or what ever the title of her fish – in her mouth. I laughed (a bit sourly, but I laughed): “Yes, Bon Jovi has got to die. Quick-sticks.”

Despite the fact that Valentine’s Day is nothing but one big commercial bullshit operation De Luxe, meant to keep the retail industry afloat instead of filling little hearts with love and affection, we both felt a bit miffed. Miffed because of being single at the age of 30+, miffed because of the disappointments with the opposite sex so far, and that that bumping into a decent guy who sticks around no matter seems to be more tricky than finding an honest politician.

Oh, to fill you in: Mr Insignificant Other shortly after m return from Australia to Cape Town decided to stay in Down Under for a couple of years instead of a couple of months – officially canning the plans we had for the future (marriage, kids, and eventually finding a house with a superb attic for me to write my stuff).

He made that decision without consulting or involving me while we are technically living together. Awesome. He told me about his new plans over the email. Awesome, part 2.

It is the 4th time he has changed his mind with regards to ‘us’ (I count 3 break ups from his side since we started dating half way through 2010). And I am done now – despite the fact that I do happen to love him. Fact of the matter is that I have ran out of ambition and energy to persuade him to believe in us and to come back to SA.

He after all changes his mind more often than I change my panties. I am too old and too young at the same time to sit around and wait until the midlife crisis subsides and until he changes his mind regarding his ‘Down Under decision’ and ‘us’ once more (which is likely to happen, looking at the past). I know from experience that he eventually will have a change of heart again. And again.

It has been difficult, of course. Hey, up until recently I thought he was The One as he made me believe that we were meant to be together forever and beyond.

Last year’s Valentines Day (we were broken up / break-up number 3) he rocked up with roses, begging me to take him back and swearing he had changed and promising that he would not rest until he had me back. I was adamant: No more of this shit. One month later, however, I got tired of his chasing me and decided to give it another go. I loved him, what can I say?

Everything seemed to fall into place and we were Happy as Larry. This convinced me that we were truly meant to be together, simply because we managed to overcome all the bullshit.

In the end, I think that he loved ‘the idea of me’ instead of ‘me’. Otherwise you would not be so cruel and clueless. If you truly love someone, you don’t nilly-willy change our mind like that and don’t move from “I want to have our baby” to “I never want to go that route”. I could be wrong.

What ever the deal is: some things are not meant to be – no matter how hard you try, how many grenades you catch and how much you bend over backwards. We live, we learn, and all that jazz.


Posted by on February 15, 2012 in The World of Mir


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3 responses to ““Bon Jovi Has To Die. On a Bed of Roses. In a Hurry”

  1. Mark Goodwin

    February 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    So sorry Mir… shite!…What can one say.

    I will say this though, firstly, nothing is forever good or bad. We can be having a great time with great health and wealth and then, Slam Bam Alacazam! All Change. The same applies with the bad stuff….is this what they refer to as Karma? Secondly, as a wise old fool (I was 70 at Christmas) I have three grown boys, 29, 31, 34. I have seen them find girlfriends, swear undying love forever, next there is a girl on the block! One thing I do know about men/boys is this, they do take forever to mature – unlike girls – some of us remain boys forever. However, there does come a time when they realise that they really do want to find THAT person and settle down and do all the family bit, and when they do, if they are anything of a man, they never look back, going from strength to strength.
    If he truly loves you he will walk from Oz to SA to be with you, and if he doesn’t then, this is a blessing in disguise. Having said all that, let me spout something that all the ‘old people’ say which I promise is TRUE. There is someone out there for each of us and our paths will cross when we at least expect it, don’t just sit down and wait for it to happen though, get out there and make a name for yourself, this is not a dress rehearsal…this is the show!

    I hope your Mum is improving.

    • Miriam Mannak

      February 15, 2012 at 4:54 pm

      As always, you manage to put a smile on my face 🙂 Thanks for doing so 🙂 I think you are right, about everything. It is just frustrating that some people change their minds more often than I change my undies … I know he is in two minds about the Aus thing, but I have no interest waiting until he has figured out what he wants. DOUbting me & relationship, means a ‘no’ in my world. You are either in or out. Anyways 🙂 Mom is doing much better. Another 7 radiation sessions and then she is done! Awesome! They are coming to SA in april, which I am looking forward to! How is life at our side of the planet?

  2. Ruth Terry

    February 15, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Woof. And here I thought it was just American men who were like this. My girls and I (all 30+) have had a good decade’s worth of men who can’t make up their damn minds, send mixed messages and—a recent trend—get into a relationship of whatever commitment level and use it as a learning laboratory to discover they aren’t ready for that kind of relationship after all. Personally, I tend to attract guys who like my sassy independence but, a year or two in, can’t seem to get their heads around the fact that I’m independent, yet might want to be factored in to life decisions. I’m such a “we” person that I love including other people in my plans. It just seems normal… Anyway, the only thing that has ever helped me in these situations was refocusing on what I want to do and planning my next solo adventure. I think looking out for my own future, after a boyfriend cut me out of his, was really healing. Fortunately, 30 is the new 20 because of Sex and the City and global economic downturn so you’ve got time… 🙂 Glad your mum’s improving!!!


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