Hello. My name is Miriam Mannak and I am a coffee snob.
Coffee. Hmmmm. *smacks lips* That sweet, nutty, slightly bitter smell of a cup of freshly brewed coffee. *sigh*. There is nothing in the world – especially in the early morning hours – that beats that. Well, there are quite a few things that blow coffee out of the water, but that is not the point. The point this morning and of this blog post is coffee. Capiche?
“No, you are not a coffee snob – you are a coffee whore!” some people would say. Well, I have to disappoint these pitiful souls. As opposed to popular belief, I am not prostituting myself to the first hot, dark, steamy liquid in a cup that comes along. Not a chance. I only sell my body and soul to the real stuff – not to the instant crap that is sold and promoted as coffee.
Does this look like coffee to you? REALLY? Seriously?
Newsflash: Instant coffee, my friends, is not coffee. It might look like coffee in some way, but that is where the similarities stop. “Oh but it does taste the same!”, coffee amateurs would say. Well, I kindly invite you to my flat where you will be served a cup of instant crap and a cup of lovely, freshly brewed Arabica – made of beans – topped with fluff milk froth. If you are still convinced that both taste the same, I swear to drink a gallon of instant shit just to make amends.
And Chicory … Don’t get me started about chicory. This leafy vegetable, after it has been burnt to death and beyond, doesn’t even look like coffee after it has been disolved in hot water. The colour is way off. The taste? A well balanced blend of garbage juice strained through old socks. Chicory, in my world, is blasphemy of the first degree. As a matter of fact, the substance should be banned as it cannot be good for you. We need a revolution! An uprising! A boycott! Coffee is made of beans and not from leaves, damnit! AMAAANDLA!
Anyway. Over the years, I received quite a lot of coffee related emails. As I can’t be not the only coffee snob out there, I decided to share them with you. Enjoy!
My Favourite 🙂
Painful but true
He he he! 🙂
I agree! It is a Human Right too!
Coffee (man) whore!
🙂 🙂 🙂
Everyone has had / will have a Monday like this
Isn't that the truth? 🙂
Rather clever design. Love it!