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Confessions of a childless 35-year old spinster


I turned 35 last week, and I hated every second of it. Well, not really every second. Look, it was great to hang out with my parents of course, but for various very defined and specific reasons I felt a bit crap. I never envisaged myself spending my 35th on my own. If it were up to me, I would have had a family by now. The thought that my ex and I were supposed to start the whole ‘trying for a baby’ thing sometime around NOW (a plan he single-handedly canned after he decided to stay on some island at the arse-end of the world) does not help much.

Instead of having a family in the pipeline, and someone who loves me to its, I am on my own. An 35-year old freelance spinster with two cats. No, I do not look old if I say so myself. But I have to face the fact that my ovaries are over a third of a century old and that I therefore do not have all the time in the world.

Of course I will meet someone else somewhere down the line, but if I want to realize my family plan I need to make sure that a) he wants kids, b) wants them fairly soon (No, I don’t want them tomorrow but I dont fancy the idea to be a 65-year old mother of a teenager either) and c) is a nice guy (which could be an ominous task, when looking at my track record of assholes and fuckwits).

Another option is to do it on my own. Gazillions of women have done and are doing it alone: having and raising a child. I am sure I would be able to do that. There are some problems though.

Firstly, I am a freelancer and I am not earning heaps of moolah. In addition: South Africa’s living costs are increasing by the minute. Secondly, my folks live in The Netherlands (I imagine I would need their mental support). Thirdly, I would love to do it with someone else. No, I do not have to be in a relationship with that person. A very involved donor would be very cool too.

But finding a sperm donor who is nice and who wants to be involved in the child’s upbringing as a father figure seems to be a task from hell. Then again, there must be single men out there who have not been able to find a partner but who want to become a father. Or not?

Another option is to form a commune with other women who are in the same position. You know, the whole “It takes a village to raise a child” thing.

So yes, indeed, I feel a bit stuck. Do I realize my dream of becoming a mom? Do I give up on it, seeing there are so many issues involved? Do I give myself a year or six months before I make a decision?

Anyway, I was wondering if there are other people out there who are in a similar position. Please send me your comments or drop me an email.

 
 

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Back On The Horse?


“Come on, just do it!” a friend told me not too long ago.”You gotta get back on the horse some day, right? Rather do it sooner than later.”

Friend X was not talking about horse riding or climbing back onto my Mountain Bike after a wee accident the other week (which has not deterred me from doing the Cape Argus by the way – I am cycling up a storm). She was talking about dating. Yes, that thing you do with someone you could possibly see yourself holding hands with. Eew.

Look, I am not sure if I am ready to throwing myself into the dating cauldron. First of all, the ex still pops up in my mind from time to time, despite the fact that I am pretty much okay we did not work out in the end (The writing was on the wall from the moment I left Oz after all, with him backing off and avoiding communication. I have had some time to get used to the idea … ). We were together for 1.5 years, and despite all the shit including three or four breaks ups from his side, I have good memories about us. Too bad he seems to be unwilling to build news ones but that is not my problem.

So despite the fact that I am not 100% sure whether I want to ‘put myself out there’, I do see myself walking hand in hand with someone at some point in time. However, I wonder if I have the energy to:

1) Find someone (finding a nice, handsome, straight, tall, sporty, single, non-religious, trustworthy, honest guy who does not have mommy issues / bonding issues / changing mind issues in Cape Town can be classified as a downright Mission Impossible)

2) Get to know that someone and all his quirks and baggage – with the possibility that it doesn’t work after all (meaning ou have just wasted another couple of months)

3) Go through the entire insecure “Oh shit, does he like me?” phase (with the possibility to get dumped in the process).

4) Be dumped

5) Having to dump someone if it doesn’t work out

6) Go through stages 1 -> 3 with someone else.

So what to do?

Friend X told me I should try online dating again. I laughed. Hard. The last time I did that, I was inundated by emails from creepy uncles / convict look-a-likes / sugar daddies / old toppies / horny teenagers / gangstahs / hippies / married men / other freakshows. Yes, it was entertaining I must admit, but it was not very productive on the dating front. To give ou an example: One guy that I agreed to date, ended up in a stalker who said he loved me after date number 3. When I told him to back off, he did just the opposite by ringing my doorbell. Another one burst into tears when I asked him why he was on this particular daring site. Number three was everything but tall, dark and handsome as he proclaimed to be. And so the list continues. I did make friends via this particular site, which is great. But love? Na-ah.

“But it could be food for interesting blog posts,” she added, all innocently and chirpy. “In the process, you COULD meet Mr Right, you know.”

Hm. Mr Right. *ponders*

I hate it when Friend X is / could be right. Hm. Watch this space.

 
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Posted by on February 16, 2012 in The World of Mir

 

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