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Confessions of a childless 35-year old spinster


I turned 35 last week, and I hated every second of it. Well, not really every second. Look, it was great to hang out with my parents of course, but for various very defined and specific reasons I felt a bit crap. I never envisaged myself spending my 35th on my own. If it were up to me, I would have had a family by now. The thought that my ex and I were supposed to start the whole ‘trying for a baby’ thing sometime around NOW (a plan he single-handedly canned after he decided to stay on some island at the arse-end of the world) does not help much.

Instead of having a family in the pipeline, and someone who loves me to its, I am on my own. An 35-year old freelance spinster with two cats. No, I do not look old if I say so myself. But I have to face the fact that my ovaries are over a third of a century old and that I therefore do not have all the time in the world.

Of course I will meet someone else somewhere down the line, but if I want to realize my family plan I need to make sure that a) he wants kids, b) wants them fairly soon (No, I don’t want them tomorrow but I dont fancy the idea to be a 65-year old mother of a teenager either) and c) is a nice guy (which could be an ominous task, when looking at my track record of assholes and fuckwits).

Another option is to do it on my own. Gazillions of women have done and are doing it alone: having and raising a child. I am sure I would be able to do that. There are some problems though.

Firstly, I am a freelancer and I am not earning heaps of moolah. In addition: South Africa’s living costs are increasing by the minute. Secondly, my folks live in The Netherlands (I imagine I would need their mental support). Thirdly, I would love to do it with someone else. No, I do not have to be in a relationship with that person. A very involved donor would be very cool too.

But finding a sperm donor who is nice and who wants to be involved in the child’s upbringing as a father figure seems to be a task from hell. Then again, there must be single men out there who have not been able to find a partner but who want to become a father. Or not?

Another option is to form a commune with other women who are in the same position. You know, the whole “It takes a village to raise a child” thing.

So yes, indeed, I feel a bit stuck. Do I realize my dream of becoming a mom? Do I give up on it, seeing there are so many issues involved? Do I give myself a year or six months before I make a decision?

Anyway, I was wondering if there are other people out there who are in a similar position. Please send me your comments or drop me an email.

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A Bit of a Meh Moment


It has been a week and a bit since Mr Significant Other has packed his bags to spend an X number of months in Australia for work.

The time difference is an absolute killer, for starters. Eight fecking hours is quite a bitch of mammoth proportions. Besides that, he is incredibly busy with whatever he is doing over there, so there is not a lot of time to chat and catch up. I understand that completely. Work is work, and he is one of those people who throws himself at work. Which I think is admirable. I don’t know many people who are as driven as him.

Yesterday, however, we had a bit of a Meh Moment over Skype after I said I felt kind of cut off from him and his life over there. I am a communicator by trade and a master in multi-tasking. No matter how busy I am, I always find the time to send texts and what ever. Not everyone works that way, and I will have to accept that.

Anyway, he managed to explain how busy he has been over the past days. It had been literally working from 7am (his time) until God knows what silly time at night due to all sorts of functions, meetings and other work stuff.

I felt really shitty and a tad guilty afterwards. Oh, and stupid too.

Then again: lots (too much?) gets lost in translation when two people are separated by half a planet. You miss the subtleties. I am sure everyone who has bene in this situation can verify that.

I must add that that last week’s stupid Blackberry outage did not exactly help our cross continental communication flow. As a result, I am now exploring my options in iPhone land. The last thing I need is another piece of unreliable technology and communication equipment. I am already dealing with a crappy Telkom connection, shoddy Vodacom and other issues such as a faulty new Skype download which quits on you at any given time in a conversation. The joys of living in a developing country.

Anyway, I am not one of those women who expect their men to be available to Skype 2/7. I have got my work (journalism, writing my Grandfather’s World War 2 story, and other things)  and life too. But I can’t help missing My Person sometimes. And I am still a woman, after all – one that is sometimes struggling with the usual female insecurities.

I am 100% sure we will make through this Long Distance Relationship phase of our lives. This is not the end of the world (although that is exactly where he is at the moment 🙂 ) and luckily I will see him at the end of next month for an entire month. Looking forward to that. Very much so.

 
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Posted by on October 15, 2011 in The World of Mir

 

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My 2011 New Year resolutions


With Santa and his cronies being around the corner and the first day 2011 just a week or so away, it is time for me to draw up my list of new year resolutions. I must tell you that never do this, to be very honest. I hate new year resolutions because well, I never tend to stick to them. Half way through the first week I am basically back to square one. But since 2010 was a bit of a nightmare year and I want 2011 to kick ass, I tought: why the hell not? At least these are resolutions that are doable.

1) I will not allow a cockroach to fracture my hand – Earlier this year, I fractured my hand because of my fear for cockroaches. Now that is something that will not happen again. Ever-ever.

2) I will not ditch someone via sms / facebook / skype / pigeons / smoke signals – My Significant Other a while back felt it was necessary to let me know that ‘we’ are no longer ‘we’ – via the sms. I knew it was coming, sort of, so I am very much able to deal with the fact that from now on I will be falling asleep and waking up on my own. Let’s say that I have done it before and that I have become shareholder in the Global Super Broken Heart Super Glue Distributors.

Yes, there is a ‘but’ coming. The fact that this had to be done via the sms, was a gynormous knock below the belt. Anyway, to keep a long story short: If I ever end up with someone again and I decide that this particular person is for what ever reason not my match, I promise to act like a grow-up and not use the buttons of my Blackberry to let him know about my decision. I will suck it up, grow some balls and face that person (and the music that comes with it).

3) I will not have my Macbook stolen ever again – During a conference organised by the Economist at Cape Town’s Westin Grand Hotel, my Macbook was stolen. That was one day before my ex Significant Other broke up with me for the second time, by the way (this is the third time). This will not happen again, mark my lips. I have a new machine now which I have equipped it with a GPS tracker. I have also bought a cable with which I can tie computer a the conference table.

4) I will continue to cherish my friends – My friends are my family, and are the corner stones of my soul and sanity. I love you guys to bits, and thanks a gazillion for all the support, laughs, hangovers, glasses of wine, smiles, giggles and hugs over the past year. You guys are simply the best and you are the reason I am still in South Africa. It is because of you guys I feel I am not a foreigner, but a person who truly belongs in this country.  There are plenty of more things I would like to say to you, my dear friends, but I rather do it in person instead of via some hitech communication method.

5) I will kick ass BIG TIME as a (freelance) journalist & photographer – Apart from the heaps of personal bulls shit 2010 has given me, work-wise the past 360-something days were extremely good.  Since I started my career as a journalist in 2002, I have published stuff in over 30 different publications worldwide. Currently, I have quite a few prestigious clients under my wings. Without being arrogant: I am really proud of that and therefore I am determined to kick some more ass in 2011.

6) I will not have hair highlights done EVER again – Yesterday, a few hours before the ex Significant Other sent me ‘the’ sms, I decided to have some highlights done. Subtle highlights. You know, as in ‘sun kissed hair’. Clearly the chick in charge of my ‘do’ was deaf or stupid or stubborn, or maybe she simply did not understand what the word ‘subtle’ meant. What ever the case was: my reflexion on the mirror almost made my choke on my tea. I looked like a freaking zebra, with Marilyn Monroe blonde streaks adorning my chocolate-brown hair. Like someone dropped a bucket of ivory paint over my locks. Luckily she managed to fix things without shaving my hair off.

7 ) I will visit my family in The Netherlands – I have not been in my country of birth since June 2009 and that has to change. I miss my 84-year old granny and my bestest and oldest friend José and my folks a lot. So, hopefully, I will catch a plane in March to go see them. Do not get me wrong: I love South Africa. But sometimes living abroad is damn hard, simply because you have two worlds to think of and not just one.

8) I will write my grandfather’s story – My grandfather was an amazing man. His story of how he was arrested by the Germans during World War 2, sent off to Berlin, escaped from there, was rearrested, and sent to a salt mine in Northern Germany as a prisoner of war. There he met a Russian girl called Maria, who lived at a women;s concentration camp. It was an innocent love, but it went deep. When the Germans realised they were about to lose the war, they put Maria and other women in army trucks and drove them into the river. Most of them died. He managed to escape and walked all the way back to The Netherlands. He ended up marrying the girl next door (litterally), my beloved 84-year old Grandmother. His story needs to be written down. Period.

 
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Posted by on December 24, 2010 in The World of Mir

 

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